Super Bowl

A guy named Bob receives a free ticket to the Super Bowl from his company. Unfortunately, when Bob arrives at the stadium he realizes the seat is in the last row in the corner of the stadium - he's closer to the Goodyear blimp than the field.

About halfway through the first quarter, Bob notices an empty seat 10 rows off the field, right on the 50 yard line. He decides to take a chance and makes his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat.

As he sits down, he asks the gentleman sitting next to him, "Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?" The man says no.

Now, very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Bob again inquires of the man next to him, "This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the Super Bowl and not use it?"

The man replies, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me, I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven't been at together since we got married in 1967."

"Well, that's really sad," says Bob, "but still, couldn't you find someone to take the seat? A relative or close friend?"

"No," the man replies, "they're all at the funeral.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down
for the night, Holmes opens his eyes and asked: "Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see?"

Watson said, "I see millions and millions of stars."

Holmes: "And what does that tell you?"

Watson: "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially
billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small
and insignificant. Meteorogically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you?"

Holmes: "Somebody stole our tent!"

Bulletin Bloopers

Here are some actual problem sentences found in church and denominational bulletins and/or newsletters:

1. Don't let worry kill you. Let the Church help.

2. Thursday night - potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

3. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

4. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

5. The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

6. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

7. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

8. Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and get a piece of paper.

9. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.

10. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

11. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church building. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

12. Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.

13. Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

14. The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

Originally posted by Ed Yetman, III:
Ha! Good list inky.

Ed Yetman, III
YetmanBrothers.com

Move over, C-3PO. Researchers at the Neurosciences Institute in La Jolla, California, are making strides in developing a machine that thinks. The result is a two-foot-tall "automaton" named NOMAD (Neurally Organized Mobile Adaptive Device), capable of learning from its own experiences through its simulated brain. That brain has a name of its own: Darwin VII, after Charles Darwin, the 19th-century biologist who devised the theory of natural selection.

The Darwin brain is a "selectional system," says Dr. Gerald Edelman, institute director and Nobel laureate, not an "instructional system" like a computer. He adds that computers are essentially electronic abacuses carrying out unambiguous sets of instructions. The human brain, however, "does not work by logic like a computer; it works by pattern recognition, similar to evolution."

Though at the behavioral level of an infant, NOMAD can sense light and sound, and can grab objects with a mechanical gripper as it moves around its holding area. In the course of exploring its environment NOMAD has developed a preference for striped blocks as opposed to spotted ones, says Edelman. When NOMAD's gripper picks up a striped block, it gets a charge of current, which Darwin VII registers as good. With the spotted block, there is no current. "It does learning and conditioning and has episodic memory," Edelman explains.

He says that as NOMAD generations become more powerful, there may come a breakthrough when they can be hooked up to computers. In that case, many pursuits centered on computer science would be enhanced. "As Bill Gates has said, if anyone could invent a computer that can learn, it would be worth ten Microsofts," offers Edelman.

When the first Advanced Micro Devices dual-core CPUs hit the market last year, they were strictly for high-end desktops. With their integrated side-by-side CPU cores and sky-high transistor counts, it seemed that dual-core CPUs were a poor fit for space-conscious notebooks, where performance is almost always secondary to issues like size, heat, and battery life.

That's all about to change, in a very big way. Later this month, Intel is scheduled to release the Centrino Duo, a powerful dual-core CPU that should seriously up the ante for notebook users, says industry analyst Nathan Brookwood. Code-named Yonah, the new Centrino Duo platform should finally pull notebook performance close to par with desktop PCs, says Chris Connelly, director of marketing for system maker GamePC.

"Even with the fastest single-core processors on the market today, you can 'feel' a difference between a notebook and a desktop, whereas a dual-core notebook should certainly help give notebooks the feel and performance of a full-fledged desktop," Connelly says. "However, many notebooks are still held back by their hard drive technology, which is still quite a bit behind what we're seeing on the desktop."

Another advantage of dual-core designs for notebooks is the obvious power savings. Because dual-core processors run at lower clock rates than their single-core siblings, these CPUs tend to throw off less heat and require less active cooling from battery-draining fans. What's more, system software can easily shut down one of the CPU cores, conserving power for those willing to forgo peak performance when running on battery.

Among the first companies to announce an actual dual-core notebook PC was Japan's NEC. Just before the holidays, the company unveiled the Lavie RX LR900, which will include the Yonah processor. NEC said the LR900 would be based on Windows XP Home Edition and come with 512MB of memory and a 100GB hard disk drive. With a 14.1-inch display, 802.11a/b/g wireless radio, and DVD Super Multi drive, the system is supposed to last about four hours on a battery charge. The price tag on this dual-core mobile wonder? NEC says it should start at around $1945.