Top 10 Reasons God Created Eve


10. God worried that Adam would always be lost in the garden because men hate to ask for directions.

9. God knew that Adam would one day need someone to hand him the TV remote. (Men don't want to see what's ON television, they want to see WHAT ELSE is on!)

8. God knew that Adam would never buy a new fig leaf when his seat wore out and would therefore need Eve to get one for him.

7. God knew that Adam would never make a doctor's appointment for himself.

6. God knew that Adam would never remember which night was garbage night.

5. God knew that if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle childbearing.

4. As "Keeper of the Garden," Adam would never remember where he put his tools.

3. The scripture account of creation indicates Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.

2. As the Bible says, "It is not good for man to be alone!"

1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched His head and said, "I can do better than that."

Originally posted by Chess Fan:
Hey TJ!

If I may ask, just what made you decide to shorten your user name here on this Message Board??


Chess Fan

The Pearly Gate

A man dies and goes to heaven. Of course, St. Peter meets him at the pearly gates.

St. Peter says, "Here's how it works. You need 100 points to make it into heaven. You tell me all the good things you've done, and I give you a certain number of points for each item, depending on how good it was. When you reach 100 points, you get in."

"Okay," the man says, "I was married to the same woman for 50 years and never cheated on her, even in my heart."

"That's wonderful," says St. Peter, "that's worth three points!"

"Three points?" he says. "Well, I attended church all my life and supported its ministry with my tithe and service."

"Terrific!" says St. Peter, "that's certainly worth a point."

"One point? Golly. How about this; I started a soup kitchen in my city and worked in a shelter for homeless veterans."

"Fantastic, that's good for two more points, " he says.
"TWO POINTS!!" the man cries, "At this rate the only way I'll get into heaven is by the grace of God!"

"Come on in!"

Boy sticks gum on valuable painting,Thu Mar 2, 8:39 AM ET

DETROIT (Reuters) - Painter Helen Frankenthaler's landmark abstract work "The Bay" just got a little more abstract -- to the dismay of Detroit museum officials. A mischievous 12-year-old boy visiting the museum with a school group took a piece of barely chewed Wrigley's Extra Polar Ice out of his mouth and stuck it on Frankenthaler's 1963 painting damaging one of the most important modern paintings in the museum's collection and a landmark picture in the artist's output. Though the picture, acquired by the Detroit Institute of Arts (DIA) in 1965 and worth an estimated $1.5 million, is expected to make a full recovery, the episode reinforces just how vulnerable priceless works of art remain when displayed publicly -- and what can happen when common sense takes a backseat to impulsive delinquency. Officials at the DIA and the school in Holly where the scofflaw is a student have not released his name. However, art lovers -- and parents everywhere grateful that it wasn't their son who did the deed -- can rest assured that the perpetrator has been punished. Julie Kildee, director of the Holly Academy, a K-8 charter school, said the boy had been suspended and that his parents also have taken disciplinary action. Kildee declined to reveal the length of the suspension.

"Even though we give very strict guidelines on proper behavior and we hold students to high standards, he is only 12 and I don't think he understood the ramifications of what he did before it happened, but he certainly understands the severity of it now," said Kildee. The incident happened just after 10 a.m. An alert security guard noticed the gum on the painting immediately after the students had exited the gallery. He called a curator and conservator, who came and removed the contraband -- DIA protocol demands that only a museum conservator touch a work of art. Meanwhile, the guard herded the students into the lobby and asked for an explanation. The guilty student confessed almost instantly. Luckily, the gum, stuck to the painting's lower left-hand corner (from the viewer's perspective), had not adhered to the fiber of the canvas. But it did leave a chemical residue about the size of a quarter, said Becky Hart, assistant curator of contemporary art. She said the conservation department was researching the exact chemicals in the gum to determine which solvent should be used to clean the painting.

Once a solvent is chosen, Hart said the picture would be placed on a vacuum table that would pull the solvent through the canvas, removing the stain. She said the museum hoped to have the painting repaired in two weeks. The picture will remain on view in the meantime. "Our expectation is that the painting is going to be fine," said Hart. Though museum officials were upset, they didn't yell at the student or discipline him. At first, Hart tried to explain to him the museum's role in preserving cultural and visual history. "I knew that probably wouldn't make any sense to him, so I asked him what kind of music he liked," said Hart. "He said he liked rap, so I said, 'Well, you know what rock 'n' roll is,' and he did, so I said, 'Can you imagine if somebody had messed up the beat in rock and roll so you didn't have any rhythm in rap.' And he looked at me, and he got it immediately."

Theme Songs For Bible Characters

Noah: "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head"

Adam and Eve: "Strangers in Paradise"

Lazarus: "The Second Time Around"

Esther: "I Feel Pretty"

Job: "I've Got a Right to Sing the Blues"

Moses: "The Wanderer"

Jezebel: "The Lady is a Tramp"

Samson: "Hair"

Salome: "I Could Have Danced All Night"

Daniel: "The Lion Sleeps Tonight"

Joshua: "Good Vibrations"

Peter: "I'm Sorry"

Esau: "Born To Be Wild"

Jeremiah: "Take This Job and Shove It"

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abendego: "Great Balls of Fire!"

The Three Kings: "When You Wish Upon a Star"

Jonah: "Got a Whale of a Tale"

Elijah: "Up, Up, and Away"

Methuselah: "Stayin' Alive"

Nebuchadnezzar: "Crazy"

FAITH

A man in Pennsylvania by the name of Chet Fanne was walking along a cliff when he accidentally slipped. Luckily, he grabbed a branch and escaped death some 600 feet below. An hour passed, he was hanging on to dear life in extreme pain, and not a single soul within screaming distance to cry out for help. He looked up to the heavens and cried out: "Oh, God, help me, please, help me!"

Suddenly the clouds parted and a deep booming voice came thundering down, "I am God! I am aware of your plight and have heard your plea. And because I know you have remained a true faithful, I have decided to intervene and grant your wish. Let go of the branch my son! You are now safe!"

Chet gazes down, then looks up and asks: "Is there anyone else up there?"